So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
