Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
