Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
