why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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