i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
