Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
