I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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