he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
