I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
