Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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