This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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