if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
