this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
two words: eviction party
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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