Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize