I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
