i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
