im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
