i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
