I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
