It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize