So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
