I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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