Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
