Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
