i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
