people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
