Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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