Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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