I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pants are for mortals
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
