Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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