I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
