If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
