He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
