walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
