it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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