don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
