This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
