Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
