remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Houston, we have a blender
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize