I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
