I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize