I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
