I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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