Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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