the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
