Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
barbara walters just said penis...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish you could order shots online.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
