just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
