I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
