Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
