what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
