Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
