I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize