Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
