she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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