My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
