K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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