and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
