Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
