how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
