just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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