Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
