Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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