laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
