wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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