Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
