The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
