A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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