how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
