So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
