I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
