Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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