I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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