Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
