i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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