Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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