It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
