Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
