I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she told me i tasted like america
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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