Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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