if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
