Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
