no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
