mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize