you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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