I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
