Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
