Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
