His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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